Happy International Women’s Month!
That is a quarter of a century. Ever heard of a quarter life crisis? Lmao, that is what 2021 felt like. BUT;
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail." Lamentations 3:22
I will be sharing a few bible verses that we can always refer back to to remind ourselves of the goodness and faithfulness of God. The bible says
"They defeated him through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness. They weren’t in love with themselves; they were willing to die for Christ." Revelations 12:11 (MSG)
This blog post hopes to be a reminder when things may appear bleak again, God is THE redeemer and a great restorer of ALL things 1 Peter 5: 6-11
Lamentations 3: 20 – 26 a great reference that whenever our soul is downcast we call on our memories of a good God, we trust Him and learn to patiently run to Him as our help and our savior. He is the lover of our soul and wants to see us prosper even as our soul prospers.
So let’s get into it shall we.
25 year old
It blows my mind when I think of the fact that little, old me has been on this earth for 25 years. It is quite fascinating that as a young girl my expectations and the image I had of someone at that age is totally grandiose and extraordinary. I’m not too sure where those ideas came from, but I can blame it on societal expectations, cultural influences and unhealthy mindsets, but somehow it was a mindset I unknowingly found myself succumbing too even if I ebbed and flowed through what I took on. I would like to think of myself as someone that doesn’t always like to fall into societal expectations and to fit the mold people tell me to. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my creator God, therefore I am one of one. That is to say there is only one Toluwabori Morenike Ajidagba on planet earth.
Yet, I wasn’t feeling fulfilled.
In fact I feel a stagnancy in my career and academic goals. That added with feeling like rather than heading towards developing some financial goals it was like I was moving away from them. Relationally in fact let’s not even go there. It was a great blessing to hear and see from afar a few people I knew get married and begin the journey to start their own families. Yet somehow I felt like I was on the outskirts of this and not able to fully participate in this new season everyone else seemed to be in.
Say self-entitlement much? I say self-entitled because I went so far as to neglect what I felt God called me to do because I was feeling some type of way.
"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may increase? 2 God forbid! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" Romans 6:1-2 (MEV)
It raised questions and inadequacies within myself as I felt was I not good enough to be blessed with an thriving career as well, to soar in my academics, to be financially buoyant and to have purposeful and mutually edifying relationships? But now l have experiential knowledge that indeed God works all things together for our good. Who remembers this bible verse in John 9:3 (NIV) that said:
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."
It’s not because of something inherently wrong with this person but situations occurred so that God will be glorified in the most beautiful and awe- inspiring way.
If what I called ‘the quarter life crisis‘ hadn’t happened, I would never have had a self-reflecting period. I would never have thought to put this blog post together and publish it for several eyes to read. But from this word of my testimony, I can share with others the knowledge and insight God gave me during this period and hopefully it can be useful to to draw others close to the Father as well.
The transformation really began with a mindset shift. One of my favorite bible verses says
"Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." Romans 12:2 (MSG)
It required a mindset shift and the divine help of the Holy Spirit and yielding to that same Holy Spirit to change things. Guys, the battlefield of the mind is a real thing. It can manifest in the form of depression and mental health battles but I have never seen a battle that hasn’t already been won by the blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross.
Let’s not even approach the dark thoughts that plagued one’s mind during this period and the depression that clogged one’s mind. But as I said it is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed. It is only when you leave a dark pit and enter into glorious light that you can compare how wretched the previous state really was.
Even in terms of taking care of myself and caring about my appearance and how I presented myself I was at an all-time low. When you see someone not putting effort or being their normal self, it might be helpful to reach out as much as you can and check in with them. But glory be to God for the few times I was able to get up but some balm on the lips and stand. Grateful to loved ones that helped me in someway or another during this period. Listening to me rant, praying for me and over me, crying with me, providing counsel, calling and checking up on me, speaking word of life and refreshment over me and just generally being present even while I was in a funk. Ultimately I needed an encounter with the living God to breathe life back into those dead areas of my life. Those places I had lost hope in and was feeling hopeless. I needed the light of God to come into those areas. It was time to be brutally honest with God and but away all pretenses. It is only God we can truly be open and vulnerable with. Sometimes human beings are there to support us but they are not our creator, therefore cannot provide all that our soul desperately needs.
See God can only help and assist us in those areas we show to Him and not just what we want to neatly present before Him.Tweet
Worthy Sons & Daughters
So I have come to remind someone and maybe my future self that we are worthy not because of what we bring, or the roles we play or what we can offer people. We are worthy because we belong to Jesus Christ. He has declared us worthy. We are sons and daughters of the most High God.
Now we do not neglect the fact that if you do NEED help, please reach out and check out therapy opportunities near you. These days there are so many Christian based counsellors and therapists that can help. One of the resources I have found is Dr. Anita Phillips, she is an incredible therapist that uses biblical understanding to support psychological treatments. Therapy is not just for when things start going wrong, but if you feel led to try therapy please do! So many people we see outside fighting unknown battles that do not show on the face but yet is weighing heavy on the heart and soul. God knows. We can lay our burdens on Him. He will always present a way and some form of relief. He never puts us in situations greater than what we can handle. He is always providing and showing a way out either through His Word or through his hands and feet on Earth in the form of a brother or a sister or through inspired songs. We just have to lean into His ever present help. Sometimes you need someone to lean into, to hold you up before you can even enter and draw from God’s help.
Ultimately I learnt that a quarter life crisis is not a real thing but a fallacy. One of my biggest lessons during this period is learning to live beyond my feelings. Yes, feelings are valid and we are allowed to feel them but they are not always true and we should not base our actions and live our lives solely based on fleeting emotions.
I am well into my 25th year on earth and I am loving what God is doing in this season. I am learning to lean into Him and trust Him. Laying all my desires at His feet trusting that His plans are greater than I could EVER fathom.
Our testimony as minute as it may seem or as much as we do not want to post it on the world wide web (HELLO!), yet if just one person can receive hope and be reminded to draw close to Jesus, to bring their burdens to Him, then post away! To see the goodness and faithfulness in the life of this young girl on a mission and see how God redeemed what seemed to be a hopeless and desolate situation, He can surely and He will surely do it for you.
We just need to draw into Him.
Draw Near to Him
It is in quietness and gentleness that we will receive strength. Are you looking to find fulfilment or fullness of joy in our career, family, relationships, finances or otherwise ? As great and amazing as these things are, looking for fulfilment in these things apart from God is folly, because none of those things WILL truly satisfy our souls. We will always be left wanting more, it can only fill us for a moment. God is the everlasting well that never runs dry. That means He is able and capable to keep sustaining and replenishing our souls.
"He satisfies me with good things and makes me young again, like the eagle." Psalms 103:5
Only God has the ability to satisfy our desires with good things. He takes our desires, repurposes and reshapes it according to His will so that it:
- fits His agenda for the betterment of our soul and brings fulfilment and pleasure for us
- brings glory to his name and advances His Kingdom.
He renews our youth and we do not tire ourselves out by chasing after those things in our understanding and strength but rather we lean into Him and trust Him to be our Jehovah Jireh (God Our Provider).
Girl on a Mission
We will always be people on a mission as long as God has put breath in our lungs and as long as we are present in our mortal bodies on this earth. But as a woman becoming all God has purposed her to be, I can understand that I will always need to draw on the strength of my heavenly Father and have certain moments when I really draw from my awesome and loving community to get me through tough times. That is the only way we can do this thing called life successfully.
For me this mean practically writing out my goals and allowing myself to pivot in my career path. It meant connecting and networking with people in the same academic station with me to encourage and motivate each other. It means financially planning for my future and learning things pending the time I will be ready to actually set and achieve those goals. Relationally it means addressing certain issues within myself, and first of all reminding myself that having purposeful relationships is very important to me. Learning to allow myself to desire a committed and intentional relationship that will one day lead to a God honoring marriage and to build a kingdom minded family.
Whatever might look like a crisis to you, invite God into your situations and He can provide ways to defuse the situation and bring about divine peace and clarity.
Listen to TY BELLO’S “We Are Fire” album