Guess Who’s Back?? Back Again. Mo Mo’s back. Tell a friend. 😀
It has been way too long and I know I took a bit of an impromptu and unplanned break from the blog but as I say self-reflection is so vital and you cannot be giving from a well which is dry. I needed a break from this whole writing thing to refocus myself and my priorities as well as finishing some important things first.
Now I have missed blogging sooo much but somehow anytime I tried to sit down and write, it felt almost like I had writer’s block. Even though I know if I searched deep within me I had so much to write about. But I think sometimes for me at least it was that there were certain things I was expecting and waiting on God for. I felt that by withholding this and doing what I believe God called me to do, I would force God to give me what I wanted. I was trying to negotiate with God. Lol, #MasterNegotiator
Anyways, slowly I began to realize that I was only punishing myself and not God to be honest. God does not require me to do his work. He will always raise up other helpers and other hands. I was only missing out on the benefits of working for my Father who soooo dearly and so intensely loves me. Moreover, I was also missing out on writing and expressing myself. Something that has actually been such a huge help in helping me process my thoughts and feelings. Trust me, I can see a huge difference in how I process my thoughts and emotions when I took my little ‘hiatus’.
Now, this isn’t supposed to be all about me telling myself off for my misbehavior, but it is to encourage others who at times may feel overwhelmed and unqualified to do whatever God may have called us to do. Even if you aren’t sure it is God’s calling because one is unable to discern God’s voice or for whatever reason. We are unable to do something that is weighing heavy on our hearts to accomplish, I always find it useful to ask myself very honestly and bluntly, why am I doing this?
Now, when answering this question we must be brutally and totally honest with ourselves. In whose name are we going forth and carrying out our work? At first I thought going on holiday and getting away from my normal routine would help to refresh me and take away whatever dark cloud that seemed to have settled on my mind and fingers preventing me from thinking of ideas or even writing anything down. But, guess what?
That was a major fail because as soon as I got back to my normal routine things did not progress. In fact, things got worse. Lol, like that could be possible. Instead, I started feeling even more guilty that perhaps there really was something wrong with me, maybe God didn’t put this thing on my heart to start, maybe it was my human desire to start it and I just sort of attached God’s name to it so it’ll appear more valid. I felt like a fraud and a failure. Unable to finish what I had started. Even more I felt like I was deceiving myself thinking that I could sustain this. And I was definitely right about something. There was NO WAY I could have sustained writing this on my own. Only God can help me.
Since #vacationvibes could not help me, I then tried reading a book called ‘Refuel’ by Rob Parkman. As a lover of words and the possibility they have to accomplish so many things in our human minds, I was quite hopeful and expectant for what I believed this book could do for me. However, once again as you might have guessed, some things in life require practical and physical action and not just theoretical and hypothetical solutions. I had to find a way to apply what I was reading to my actual life.
I guess the first step I took to truly getting the refresh my soul required and was desperately crying out for was to change my mindset. Changing my thought patterns impacted my behaviour and thus helped me make better choices which I hope will me form healthier habits. I had to realise that it was perfectly fine to feel overwhelmed or burnt out. But, it was not perfectly fine to stay wallowing in that pit of self-pity and burnt-outness (for the sake of this post, that is now a word. 😀 ). Honestly, I put way too much pressure and high esteem on myself to think that I had to find a way to keep putting out content and appealing to the masses. If God started something surely would He not finish it and even sustain it. I had tried to place myself in the position of God and try and do things myself (coincidentally, I am very guilty of doing this in almost every other aspect of my life, God is helping me sha). But, honestly, I had to first change my thoughts and quieten all the negative thoughts that told me I wasn’t good enough, I was a failure or that how could I encourage people when I had nothing significant that others could aspire to be.
It still is a journey to making smarter choices when such thoughts come into my head to banish them to whatever pit they came from, and ensuring to only surround myself and my mind with people and things that speak life to my life and situation. Some verses that specifically helped me get back on track with blogging and which funnily was brought back to my remembrance through a post by Dr Jackie Greene (@drjackiegreene on Instagram) was Isaiah 40:29 – 31
“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.
Even youths WILL become weak and tired, and young men WILL fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
I emphasized the fact that on our own we WILL get tired and feel frustrated. But the key is that we trust in God. One of the things I have been really working on this year has been to trust in God. Let me tell you something! It is so much easier said than done. At the start of this year when I wrote about trusting in God, I can just imagine God laughing at me thinking this girl does not know what journey and trials she is about to embark on. Honestly, I can say that it has been so challenging and tough in so many ways and I just really did not expect it. Somehow, I had this glorified idea that yeah sure things will be tough but God’s got me right, I’ll be alright. Well, God got me but I didn’t got God. I relied way too much on myself even when I felt like I was trusting God. Keyword: Felt. Moreover, I started placing people in the place of God. Sometimes speak to God about your problems and not people. People can only do what God allows them to do for you, so why not take our worries and fears to him first
Before this post becomes more than I envisioned it to be, let me end here. I guess this just means there’s plenty more content for latter posts! But honestly, I am starting to think that all this whole experience was so that God could bring things to a full circle and teach me what it really means to trust Him. The funny thing is I actually prayed for this. Hmm, you berra be careful what you wish and pray for !
On a last note, I recently graduated with my BSc and as many recent graduates will tell you, I entered into this phase of the unknown and being kind of anxious for what my next step would be.
But, just like in the above image, things may seem blurry, the picture may not be perfect of the beautiful future God has planned for us, (Trust me it’s soo beautiful, that words simply cannot even describe it), but God is the light at the end of the tunnel with a huge smile on his face, his arms wide open and a huge thumbs up waiting to celebrate and welcome us into his great and glorious plan for our lives. Let us not give up and let us not grow weary of doing good, because in the right time (Not our time or the time of those around us) we will reap a harvest IF we do not give up (paraphrase of Galatians 6:9)
Mo 🙂 x